Self-Care Sunday

Good Morning and Happy September!

I am going to bring one of my practices to my blog. Every Sunday, well-- that's where we are starting. I am going to do a word vomit.

Word Vomits are a chance for me to dump without intention or regret. It's a time for me to clear my mind and allow for deeper thoughts to come to the foreground.

Today's Time Frame: 14 minutes

Here goes nothing...

Ok so, just keep writing, no backspace just type - feel the wordds as they come up allow whatever is necessary to come out / well honestly not even necessary just whatever is there / try not to get so caught up in the grammatical impulses - this month is a lot - I enjoy / well maybe thats not the right word / I am loving how I have taken such a hard week emotionally and made it into something beautiful/ this week was hard because National Suicide and Prevention Month/Week/Day is always hard / My manager asked if I was ok one day, he said, "you just seem very Eeyore today..." and you know, that was a perfect description. It really summed up how I was feeling. Nothing in particular was wrong but like -- nothing was right. Another one of my coworkers did their best to make me smile because, "I just didn't seem like myself" and I genuinely appreciated both of them checking in. I felt seen. Sometimes, it's hard for me to feel seen because I try to grin and bear it most days. however this week I decided that it was ok to just be and if that was sad, happy, angry, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, etc... then that's just what it was. I also prepared for the space that I was allowing myself to have by finishing my work week on a High. Baking typically make me feel a little bit better and two weeks ago, I decided to bake for some of my coworkers and the request was for apple pie. Going into the week not feeling my best, and then adding some baking really helped. Wednesday was really the lowest day/ sunday was world prevention day and honestly, I cried a lot. I was intentional about posting those who have been lost to suicide on my story and each time I posted another person... the weight of their journey...and mine... got heavier. I felt gratitude for the fact that I am still here, especially after the VERY rough December I had. but I also felt sadness and helplessness for those lost and their loved ones. / monday, more of the same... melancholy... Miles Davis- Kind of Blue - kind of day... / tuesday, a little relief here and there but always feeling like i should be doing more / wednesday, not good at all honestly. I kind of started on a high and then around 2 hours into my 10 hour day... I deflated... like a balloon... quickly and very 'loudly'/ this was an awesome exercise I love how unfinished it is and how I will still post it anyway. I really need to get back into the habit of just writing. it's a relief system/

Until Next Time...

With Berries and Leaves,

The Lily and the Pen. <3