Happy Self Care Sunday!
Today's theme is Restarting.
First, there is so much going on in the world. The other day I asked my mom, "How do people wake up everyday and not cry for 3 hours." While I was not saying that I do, I absolutely feel like it... every. single. day. I may not cry for 3 hours but I definitely don't feel happy when I wake up.
My heart aches. Literally and figuratively. All the time. I try not to stay up to date with the news because... depression. But I also peek in every few days because... anxiety. Which inevitably just feeds both of these conditions every time.
Anyways, back to the topic at hand... Self Care.
Today most of my self care was spent cleaning. It was therapeutic at first but then not so much. I wanted to push myself to keep cleaning because I wanted to finish. I wanted to have a fully cleaned space; but I also didn't have the energy to complete it at that moment. I struggled for a decent 15 minutes, while cleaning-- going back and forth about when I could feel comfortable stopping. I finally decided to break after one side of the room and then relax.
"Let's stop after this side and then rest. Make sure you actually rest though, don't just plan what you are going to clean next, or start some other extremely detailed task."
This was my pep talk. As I sat and reflected, I realized this was a reoccurring theme from the past week. Thursday marked 1 month of me walking every single day. Coincidentally, Friday marked the first day that I had missed. At first I was really hard on myself and could not believe that I went to bed without walking. I was so upset with myself. How could I miss a day? How could I fall asleep? I was very, very upset.
The next day it dawned on me, it's okay to mess up. It's okay to "fail". It's okay that I missed a day. Especially since I had been having a rough time taking my walks the previous week. Recently, my motivation has been lower and lower. I realized that I was being too hard on myself. I struggled with if I should keep walking and just ignore this day that I missed... or start fresh to keep with the intention of an everyday journey.
I'm going to take some time off and start fresh with a new and prepared mindset. I think I need some rest, some time to reset. I need to properly prepare for this journey. I think I rushed into walking. While I commend myself for making it to 30 days, I definitely need to have a routine for this new journey.
Routines help me stay on track. They help me think. They help stay the course. The walks won't look the same but I think if I prepare for them the same way, it might help me to be even more consistent than I was this time around.
May 28th I start my new walking journey. I hope to share some of the things I will be doing to prepare and what rituals I will be starting to make this next try even more successful than the first.
Happy Self Care Sunday!