My Journey to Home
It is 6:15 am on this Sensational Sunday and I am feeling good.
Today makes, 12 days since I began walking everyday. 12 days seems like a lot to me. It is a small number and yet, it means so much. Mainly because I struggle with consistency.
Consistency always seems very hard for me and I'm not quite sure why. Is it because I spent most of my life so afraid of change -- that now I don't want anything but change? Is it because I can't sit still long enough for anything to stick? Is it because if I get too consistent, people will then expect more of me? Hmm... something to table for therapy.
Anyway, I've been walking for 12 days. Mostly with Kimei, and also a few times with Meji. I think my best walks however, have been when I've gone by myself. Although I enjoy my walks with Kimei and Meji, they feel different. Those walks include a park and conversation. The walks by myself are grounded in silence.
The silence does something for me. It gives me a moment to be with myself, with my thoughts, with my feelings -- in their rawest form. I can hear myself. I can listen to myself. It becomes a space of clarity and awareness. I can hear how my body feels on these walks. I can feel how and where my anxiety is present.
This morning, as I walked against the denim blue sky, I felt an overwhelming expression of calm. Generally my walks have been in search of something. Looking for what I am "supposed" to feel or notice on this walk. Looking for what enlightenment may come afterwards. Today felt different. It felt like I was just there. Moving with the earth and soaking up my surroundings. It felt peaceful. Hearing and seeing nothing but birds. No cars, no people, just nature and her closest friends.
It felt good to walk with no expectations. It felt calming to Just Be.
It's Self-Care Sunday and I am off to a great start. There are so many things I want to accomplish today and I feel like I can tackle a good portion. I've titled this blog, My Journey to Home, because that is what I feel my walks are. As I share more of this journey, the intention and practice of this bud will begin to blossom.
Today's Mantra: Just Be, the rest will come.