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Stabilization and Safety

Updated: May 11, 2022

On my journey, I have struggled to understand what the "right" way to feel was/is. I have been trying to use the path of others— to the healing I felt I should have.


It took me some time to realize this but, this doesn't work for me.


After over 22 years of living with trauma, I think I have figured out what works. While day-to-day may change; the core process seems to stay consistent. This 3-part affirmation series, will visit 3 steps that have helped me get where I am today— and will help take me even further.


This week is about Step One: ~Stabilization and Safety~. How to move in your everyday life, while beginning your journey to wellness.


Wellness is not a place,

but a state of being.

A state that weathers many storms,

but remains firm and grounded.


Wellness is not a destination,

but a constant journey.

Something that can never be attained,

but can absolutely be enjoyed.


Stability after trauma is necessary before being able to process. Getting into a routine, so that things that keep you going, are muscle memory and not physical activities. It can be hard to put forth the extra effort to want to do them— even though you KNOW they are needs, and not just wants.


Safety after trauma is necessary before being able to process. This is so that while you are faced with the ups and downs of exploring and reliving your trauma, you can get close to the edge without the fear of falling over. You need to be able to push boundaries, while also being able to remain grounded, even if you can't ground yourself. You need people to be by your side that will help you stay in the now.


Actions to help you find Stabilization and Safety:

1) Listen

2) Acknowledge

3) Uncover and Relive


1) Listen to your thoughts. Understand that you know what you feel. Be willing to hear your thoughts and do not dismiss or replace them. They are valuable and necessary to your healing. You need to listen to the way you are experiencing your reality at the moment. It can only make you better and help you understand more of yourself. Don't ignore it. The thoughts came from you for a reason.


2) Acknowledge that it happened to you. You are apart of this story. You are not just watching. You were there. You experienced this. This is your story. No matter how traumatic, remember, You Survived this.


3) It's ok to relive. It's ok to go back to that moment. You need to see where you were, in order to create a path to where you want to go. You have to know what happened. Feel that. It's ok. But don't get stuck. Remember to have something that grounds you. Something that keeps you safe.


This blog represents the conversations I had with myself during my time of regaining stability and safety. It represents things I wish I heard, or listened to. It shares how I have pushed through my experience and elevated into awareness. I want you to know that you are NOT alone. I want you to FEEL that someone is here for you if you need it.


If you are dealing with any trauma you can't exactly put a name on, know that it is ok to seek professional help. Hotlines and Groups are wonderful for immediate relief. They can sometimes help you ground down when you are close to a tipping point. However, if you are in a space of imminent crisis, nothing is better than a licensed professional. Build your rolodex now so that you aren't caught off-guard later.


If you need help finding resources, visit https://www.yourinnerlily.com/resources .


If you are in immediate danger, please skip the resources above and call 911.


You deserve to be here. You matter. Don't mistake your temporary mindset for a permanent solution.


With Leaves and Berries,

the Lily and the Pen

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