Let's pick up where we left off.
This week is about Step Two: ~Mourning and Remembrance~. How to confront what you went through and what you lost because of it.
Wellness is not a place,
but a state of being.
A state that weathers many storms,
but remains firm and grounded.
Wellness is not a destination,
but a constant journey.
Something that can never be attained,
but can absolutely be enjoyed.
Mourning is about being honest and confronting denial head on. Be honest about all that you have lost. What people, things, emotions, or ideas no long exist for/to you? What places no longer give you a feeling of joy, relaxation, or safety? Mourn through the honesty of what your current reality is; this is the only way to confront your denial. Denial is a place you must pass on your journey. It allows you to step outside of the trauma. Once you step out, you can come back in with a fresh perspective. When we are ready to accept the trauma, we can begin to remember the things we have lost.
Remembrance is about overcoming the guilt and shame. When we decide to confront our denial, we are deciding to confront our experience. When we acknowledge that it happened to us, sometimes our natural reaction is to find some way to blame ourselves. It can be easy for us to listen to the society, filled with victim blamers, and take on the shame they think we should have. It can be easy to make lists of the things we could or should have done-- in order to prevent this from happening again. This is especially easy when society repeatedly tells us that it is our fault. That we are responsible. That we have an ounce of control when it comes to someone else's actions. Guilt is sometimes a tool we use to justify what has happened. Shame is sometimes how we justify hiding behind our pain.
Actions to help you encounter Mourning and Remembrance:
1) Be Honest
2) Confront Your Denial
3) Overcome Guilt and Shame
1) Be honest about what you've lost. There are people, places, things, passions, and ideas that no longer feel safe. You have to mourn them. You have to say goodbye to what was so that you can welcome what will be.
2) Confront your denial head on. You can't keep pretending. Call it what it is-- so you can deal with the emotions accordingly. You have to step outside the trauma to come back in more aware-- more aware of the damage and change it has caused.
3) Guilt and shame are apart of the journey. When you address these feelings you can overcome the fears that lie beneath. Society tells you that you are responsible. You believe it. Society tells you this is your fault and you can't help but to think they are right. Just know that couldn't be further from the truth.
Mourning and Remembrance are apart of your journey and they help you you to move into your space of healing. They are necessary to understand your why and inform your how.
This blog represents the conversations I had with myself during my time of mourning and remembering. It represents things I wish I heard, or listened to. It shares how I have pushed through my experience and elevated into acceptance. I want you to know that you are NOT alone. I want you to FEEL that someone is here for you if you need it.
If you are dealing with any trauma you can't exactly put a name on, know that it is ok to seek professional help. Hotlines and Groups are wonderful for immediate relief. They can sometimes help you ground down when you are close to a tipping point. However, if you are in a space of imminent crisis, nothing is better than a licensed professional. Build your rolodex now so that you aren't caught off-guard later.
If you need help finding resources, visit https://www.yourinnerlily.com/resources .
If you are in immediate danger, please skip the resources above and call 911.
You deserve to be here. You matter. Don't mistake your temporary mindset for a permanent solution.
With Leaves and Berries,
the Lily and the Pen